Tonight Marco Volcy’s family, friends, and fans celebrated the release of his highly-anticipated album C’est moi at Metropolis.  Marco performed for roughly an hour for a room packed with a very enthusiastic crowd.

C’est moi is Marco’s second album, arriving ten years after Âme/soul.  I only heard Âme/soul for the first time recently, but from tonight’s reactions I’d say Marco’s fans think C’est moi was worth the wait.

Choose any song, watch Marco perform live, or listen to him speak about the album – it’s instantly clear that he’s poured all of himself into his music.  And the results are wonderful.

Marco said that, after the January 12th disaster in Haiti, he originally planned to delay the launch party out of respect.  Instead, he decided to donate $1 from every album sold at the launch to both the Red Cross and Clowns Without Borders.

C’est moi was released on iTunes and in stores yesterday.  Of course, I waited until the launch party to buy my copy, so I could have it autographed… and to support a good cause.

My favourite songs so far? C’est moi and S.O.S.

[this post can also be viewed on Montreal Basketball]

So far my attempts to enjoy winter have failed abysmally: missed out on Telus’s Fire on Ice in December, missed out on Igloofest this past weekend, and it’s looking very likely that I’ll miss out on Quebec’s Carnaval as well.

To be fair, this is largely my fault: I give in far too easily to exhaustion, geekiness and basketball.

Also, I’m broke, having just bought a new camera.

Yup, my priorities are all screwed up.  Maybe next year?

Last year I tried to remember when exactly the first snowfall of the year stopped eliciting squeals of youthful glee, and started eliciting long strings of curses.

I can’t remember.

But I decided that this year, I’m going to enjoy winter even if it kills me. (And, with my propensity for injury, it just might.)

Towards this goal, I’ve starting making a list of winter activities I must attend. Topping the list is, of course the Carnaval de Québec. Close second, the Fête de la lumière BMO (part of the Festival Montréal en Lumière).  Third (and I’m really not sure how I never knew about this before) is Fire on Ice at the Old Port. I also really, really need to build at least one snowman.

Flaws in my plan:

1. I haven’t been skating in 12 or 13 years.  Really I haven’t done anything winter-y, other than toast marshmallows over the fire, in ages.

2. Exams.  I have exams.  Friends have exams.  Exam schedules conflict.  Loneliness ensues.

3.  Above-mentioned accident-prone-ness.  Going skating in a crowd, with explosions, carrying a camera… probably not the best time to start again.  Stupidity, meet stubbornness.

My plans for this summer were simple: Israel (as always) and getting some career-related experience, for a change.  The thing is…… internship programs want students, not recent grads (and the ones in North America have GPA requirements I can’t meet… although apparently Google’s offices in Israel don’t have a minimum….. WHY have I been volunteering for so many summers when I could’ve been working for Google? For money and career experience? sigh….)

Anyways, where was I? Right. Plan was simple.  What’s that saying? Man makes plans; G-d laughs.  Something like that.  Well… I’m not sure if G-d’s laughing, but I’m definitely feeling a shove.

My mom has been talking more and more about the two of us taking a trip together as a graduation gift…. anywhere I want.  Couldn’t possibly say no to that, right? Right now, I’m thinking either walking tour of Ireland, or Spain/Portugal.  Leaning towards Spain/Portugal in May; weather and wine and sexy Mediterranean guys? Yes, please!

The thing is… I started doing the math.  Finals finish at the end of April.  Convocation is June 1st.  Internships are usually 3months, if I can snag one, and regular summer jobs don’t like training anyone for less than that.  Conclusion? If I want to travel with Mom, AND travel in Israel, AND work… I’ve got to find a job in Israel.

Next step: searching for internships in Israel.  Turns out, there are lots of programs for students or recent grads to apply for internships in Israel.  The problem? They range from 3 to 5 months, and aren’t just unpaid…. you have to actually pay a placement fee: US$3k-6k !  Plus airfare, plus living expenses…. I’d spend less JUST travelling!

So I started looking at big companies, just to see if anyone was hiring in Israel…. and discovered Google’s internship positions.  Of course, they only want students, not new grads… but I’ll try to apply there anyways, on the basis that I’m (hopefully) starting that USherbrooke video game design program in the fall, so I’ll still be a student.

And then I hit Intel’s website.  They also only want students, not recent grads…. but for kicks I looked over their full-time job postings, too.  And was amazed to see not one but TWO positions for inexperienced recent graduates with my background and skills.

Um… hello? Software job. That I’m qualified for. In Israel.  Might not be video game design, but pretty damn close to my dream (and with a company I seriously respect).

Of course I mentioned it to my mom, not so much in an “I want to apply!” tone as a “why can I qualify for a full-time job there but not an internship here?” tone…. at which point Mom predictably lost a few shades of colour and told me to find something here.

But about 20min later, she turned to me and said “You’re just telling me this so that in a few months you can turn around and say there aren’t any jobs here, and I’ll be ok with you moving to Israel to work.”

Um…. yes?

Is it odd that it was near freezing the few days after I got shaved but I wasn’t cold, and now that it’s been almost teasingly nice out, I’ve had to go buy 2 hats? I think it’s odd….

Of course, I’m getting really sick of people rubbing my head without asking.  Particularly random people.  I don’t care if you just saw ME rubbing it, it’s MY damn head, ok?  I don’t know you and even if I do, I don’t know where your f-ing hands have been.  Would you walk up to a pregnant woman and start rubbing her belly? Well… ok if you’re rubbing my head, you probably would.  Doesn’t make it ok, though.  Personal space, people.  Personal space.

Anyways I think I’m totally rocking the look.  Ok well maybe not rocking it, I’m not Natalie Portman circa ‘V for Vendetta’ or anything (I have gotten a few comparisons to Demi Moore circa ‘GI Jane’ and Sigourney Weaver circa ‘Alien’… I think they were meant to be complimentary), but I’m pulling it off pretty well. Except apparently not everyone agrees with that.  Some to more extreme degrees than others.

I have 3 apparently just 2 friends who I’m apparently not going to be seeing ’til my hair grows out.  Well… technically speaking only 2 of them have outright told me “I don’t want to see you until your hair grows out”… but I’ve barely heard from the 3rd 2nd since I told him I really was going through with the project, so I think that’s a pretty clear message.

The three apparently just 2 will remain nameless (here, anyways).  But for the record, they’re guys.  So much for girls caring more about appearances than guys.

Um… hello? I just did a totally awesome, selfless thing here!  I don’t care how attached you are to your sexist notion that girls must have long flowing hair…… you don’t have to LIKE what I did, you don’t even have to tell me it looks good.  But I damn well expect you to be supportive.

I should be excited.  I should be thrilled. I’ve wanted this ring since I knew it existed. I’ve waited more than 6 years (and tried to “borrow” Mike’s and Cory’s more than once over the year’s).

But I’m not.  Ok, so I wasn’t thrilled that I ended up under Electrical Engineering, but in the grand scheme of things who cares?

I’m just…. nothing. From the minute I put it on, all I could think was that my grandmother should have been here. She should have sat next to mom and dad and bubby for over 3hrs to watch me spend 10sec on that stage.

And I can’t help feeling that if I’d graduated on time, she would have been.

Realistically, I know she wouldn’t have.  I even counted back, to be sure; I might actually have missed my ring ceremony if I’d graduated on time.

But it doesn’t change the feeling that I failed her somehow. She should have been there.  And it reminds me of everything else she won’t be there for.

me and mom showing off my ring

On Friday, October 23, 2009 at 8am, I’ll be getting my head shaved as part of Virgin Radio 96′s Shave to Save campaign.

I’ve committed to raising at least $2000, I’m aiming for $2500, and I’d greatly appreciate donations (of ANY size) towards my goal.  The money raised goes to the Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation, and my hair will go to Locks of Love (although my hair isn’t long enough to be used in a wig, Locks of Love can sell it to help defray their costs).

To sponsor me, please contact me

To show your support, please join my Facebook event and pass this along to anyone you think would like to help. Thanks!

17/09/09: $100 raised

18/09/09: $120 raised

20/09/09: $340 raised

21/09/09: $355 raised

24/09/09: $400 raised

….

19/10/09: $2506 — GOAL!! new goal $2750

22/10/09: $2766 — second goal!

23/10/09: shave day!

29/10/09: $2910.43 — final tally

30/10/09: The Shave to Save campaign overall raised $456,000!

all pony-tailed up

me and the Shave to Save/Virgin Radio staff, post-shave

The other night, I had dinner with my bubby.  After asking how my trip was, she asked when I was making aliyah.  The question was only surprising in its bluntness – my making aliyah is generally a taboo topic in my family, even though it’s silently accepted as an eventuality instead of a possibility…. by everyone except my mother, anyways.

The usual question is not when I’ll be moving, but when I’ll be visiting again.  In fact, anyone who knows me well, knows that I tend to start planning my next trip as soon as I return to Montreal. My dad commented not long before I left that I seem happiest when I’m planning my trips to Israel.  And my mom openly acknowledges that my heart is there, always making sure to remind me that I promised her I’d come home, and greeting my return with a perceptive “I know you’re not glad to be back, but we’re happy to have you home.”

Still, bubby’s question touched a nerve.  The conversation which followed touched on things I’ve been mulling over for years; she reminded me that my mom will probably never be ok with a move overseas, and that being a tourist is very different from being a resident.  All the more reason to regret not having the GPA to do a Masters in Haifa.

On the one hand, I love Israel.  I love being there and I when I’m here, I miss it in ways that I don’t miss Montreal when I’m baAretz.  People who have known me a very short time (including an oleh khadash I spent 2 weeks with on an army base, and an airport security guard I spent less than 5 minutes with) have started asking me why I haven’t moved yet.  Clearly, people other than myself can picture me living there.

On the other hand, I have no family in Israel, and only a small (but ever-growing) group of friends.  Leaving Montreal would mean being a 10-hour flight and a 7-hour time difference away from almost everyone and everything I’ve ever known and loved.

Besides which, I grew up a 10-minute walk from my grandmother, and saw her just about daily.  I can’t wrap my head around the idea that my kids will grow up talking to my parents on Skype, seeing them in the flesh perhaps a couple of times a year.  Or even the idea that my parents won’t be there for the birth of my kids, or their first birthdays and graduations.

I also can’t wrap my head around the idea of sending my kids to the army.  It’s not so much how I’ll worry about them for 2 or 3 years (what mother wouldn’t?)… but how do I explain that they have to put their lives at risk because of a choice I made… and made too late to do my own army service?  Will all their Israeli friends and cousins getting called up be enough to overshadow the Canadian cousins going off to university instead?

I always said that when the pain of leaving Israel outweighed the pain of leaving Montreal (and the pain I would cause by leaving), it would be time to make aliyah.  (Yup, that’s me the science nerd, always thinking in terms of equations….)  But I’m starting to realize things just can’t be quantified and balanced that way.

The truth is I’ve been living in both worlds for several years now, at least in my head.   And I’m just not sure when or how to change it.